Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012- Resistance- Muse

"Love Is Our Resistance" Sigh...these are the words I woke up with, echoing in my head.

That was the one sentence I managed to write this morning, before I decided to go back to bed. I haven't written in a few days-I was really trying to avoid a poor-pitiful-me post. But when I woke up with that lyric, I was prepared to unleash it, and now I am so happy I didn't. Even though it was depression that drove me back to bed, when I woke up there was a major change...outside. The SUN came out! It has rained for days and days now, and god, it felt like months. I do deal with depression in all seasons, but winter takes the freaking cake. Spring, summer and autumn are WAY more manageable for me, and I usually feel pretty good. This past summer was an exception, the shit hit the fan in May. Right at the time of my 11th Wedding Anniversary and my birthday, which are in the same week. Anyway, the sunshine perked me right up, and I went out for a run (another thing I have not done in days). Then I went to pick my son up from school. He is an amazing kid. He has been seeing the school counselor to help him deal with the divorce. He is so open and honest about how he feels, and the things they talk about. He talks openly, not only about how he feels, but the things he can do to help himself through this painful time. I was no where near that emotionally intelligent at that age! Sometimes the things he says just floor me, and I'm not just talking about the fart jokes. He inspires me so much. He gets me out of myself on a daily basis, and not just with the usual tasks of motherhood. There is this moment, right after he get out of the car at school in the morning, when we lock eyes. Not just for a second or two, but for several, deep and meaningful seconds. We say "I love you" with our eyes. We have never talked about it, but we do it everyday and it never, ever fails to make my heart flutter and gratitude wash over me. So, while I may feel sad over the gradual loss of one love in my life, I also have the most amazing, enduring and powerful love I have ever experienced. I need to put that at the top of my gratitude list everyday. Love IS our resistance...

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