Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 17th, 2012- Bust a Move-Young MC
So, for the past few days, I have been redefining my concept of god. This is the first time in years that I have been willing and able to do so. When my Mom died, I was done with god. I didn't realize how much I was hurting myself by shutting down that part of myself. The spiritual side of myself. I am finally able to let it in again, although it is completely different than it used to be. I no longer believe that god intervenes in our lives. To oversimplify: God listens to Tim Tebow but not to the suffering of the world? I'm sorry, I just don't buy that anymore. That being said, I DO have faith...as contradictory as that sounds, it's true. I see god the most when I look at nature, and believe it or not, evolution. To know how incredibly complex a living being is, from the tiniest molecule to the entire organism and how all the systems work together to provide homeostasis, I just don't believe that was an accident. I really could go on about this forever, but I am trying to keep it simple. I am just grateful to feel that spirituality again. To not feel so empty- and also to not have to fill the emptiness with alcohol or despair or anger. Just being able to stop, take a look around, and breath in the serenity of sunshine, of fresh air, of my child's love for me, and my love for him. My first though of the day? "What comes next, just bust a move!"